Random One Shots of Ben
by Kasta Evanson
Summary: A buncha' random one-shots of Ben unleashing his stupidity. Greeeat.
1. Pet Rock

**A/N: Okay, this one's a random idea that popped into my head a while ago... **

Disclaimer: GUESS WHAT? I OWN SOMETHING! What u ask? A ROCK! :D

Ben, clearly upset, sat on a red and blue colored seat outside Mr. Smoothie, gulping down three smoothies. All at the same time. With three different straws. All in his mouth. Again, at the same time.

Kevin, who was sitting across from Ben, had the most disgusted and completely baffled look on his face. "How can you drink that garbage?" Kevin asked, totally in shock.

"Not hard..." the brunette replied as he stood up, walked to the glass doors at the entrance to Mr. Smoothie, held his three styrofoam cups up and slowly walked back to his table.

Gwen wondered what had Ben so upset. Unfortunately, in the end she had come up with nothing. "Ben, why are you moping around like a sad puppy?"

Kevin's face lit up like a Christmas tree. "I like puppies!" he looked up from the slush that the others called a smoothie.

"My pet rock died today..." Ben sobbed, a tear running down his cheek.

Gwen just slapped her forehead in annoyance. "Of course it did..." she sighed. "Ben, your pet rock was never really alive... You understand that, right?"

"DON'T SAY THAT ABOUT ROCKY!"

"Rocky? How unique..." Gwen said sarcastically.

"He was such a good rock... Will you guys come to funeral?" Ben looked up from the table hopefully.

Kevin started laughing uncontrollably. "Your going to have a funeral... For A ROCK?" he started rolling on the hard pavement.

"You had a funeral for a car part that broke."

"Touche."

A/N: this one was pretty funny in my opinion. REVIEW PLEEEASE! 3 


	2. Cold Cheek

**A/N: this actually happened to me, and when I told sky this she just laughed.(:**

Dislaimer: (insert funny disclaimer here)

Ben inched slowly down the stairs, his neon green eyes adjusting to the bright sunrise outside. He yawned as he stumbled into the kitchen. For some strange reason, Gwen was there. "Hey Gwen.." he muttered sleepily as he shielded his eyes from the rising morning sun.

"Hey." The redhead said, glancing up from her laptop for a few seconds before turning her attention back to her history project.

"I had the weirdest feeling at 3 am this morning..." Ben muttered, tapping his chin. "My face got so super duper uber cold, but I just couldn't figure out why... So I rolled over, and my cheek got really cold. So I turned back over and my cheek was still cold!"

While Ben babbled on to no end, Gwen pretended to care. Ben obviously bought that.

"So now, I've finally figured it out." Ben said triumphantly. He stood in the blinding kitchen that was bathed in light for about 20 seconds, looking like George Washington in that one famous picture or whatever. "Don't you wanna know why my cheeks were cold?" he asked Gwen, annoyed that she wasn't paying attention.

"Why were your cheeks cold?" Gwen asked sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

"I DROOLED ALL OVER!"

**A/N: This happened to me one time. It was horrible. And cold... Review!**


	3. Achoo

**A/N: Okay, my friend and I were at our hip-hop class when she told me this. Made me laugh pretty hard. Worst part is; the teacher AND the nurse believed it. Just goes to show how crappy our school can be… Also! Check out Sky and I's youtube! Our username is: TheEvansons Leave a comment, too!(:**

**Disclaimer: I wish I owned something, but I still don't. Planning to fix that in the future… Owning Kevin would be pretty amazing, am I wrong?**

* * *

Ben sat on his bed, nestled underneath the blankets that his mom had washed just that morning. He flipped through a Sumo Slammers comic book with his thumb, eyes fixed on the captivating drawings. He had faked sick just because he didn't want to take his geometry assessment that he didn't study for. Again.

Earlier that morning, Sandra came in with a big smile on her face. It was Monday, and for some reason, his mom loved Mondays… She tore the knitted blankets she had made off of her son, revealing his body curled up into a ball. She shook him, not letting him sleep any longer. "Get up, Benjamin! It's Monday! And you need to get to school early so you don't miss your geometry test!" she waved before walking down the hallway into her own bedroom to put away laundry.

Crap. Crap crap crap crap crap. Ben didn't even bother to open his neon green eyes, hoping his mom would just let him skip school today so he didn't have to take the test. Of course, everyone knew that wouldn't happen. Which it didn't.

Ten minutes later and his mom was back.

"Ben! I told you to get up, sweetie!"

"But mom!" the brunette teenager looked around, trying to think of an excuse.

"No buts! Get up."

"Achoo, I think I'm sick!" Ben said simply, just saying 'achoo' rather than actually trying to make an effort. He wasn't that great of an actor, so he just hoped his mom would let him stay home instead of making him take medicine and such. He crossed his fingers under his sheets.

"Ben, get up. I'm not falling for that again." Sandra said, peeking into his room and glaring at him.

"Fine." Ben got out of bed, changed into his simple black t-shirt and got a Pop-Tart on his way out the door. He waited at the bottom of his driveway for the bus and he licked all the colorful sprinkles off of his fingers.

Once he got to school, he told his geometry teacher the same story. Luckily, he'd tried this before on his geometry teacher, and he bought it the first time. So why not now?

"Achoo, I think I'm sick." Ben announced, just as the test was about to begin. Mrs. Williams was far too gullible.

"Oh my! Benjamin you sound awfully ill. You must have the flu or something. Here, go down to the nurse. Mrs. Lee should send you home." And with that, she shooed him down the hallway towards the nurse's office.

Ben walked with an evil smirk on his face. He could totally pull this off. The nurse wasn't as easy as Mrs. Williams, but she was still relatively simple to trick. Ben had pulled this stunt so many times before, and the teachers still hadn't caught on to him. He knew he'd always be able to get out of school with this escape tactic.

"Achoo, I think I'm sick." He said, as he walked into the nurse's office. He had damped the spot under his eyes to make it look a bit more like he was suffering rather than he had a donut just half an hour before.

"Have a seat, and put this under your tongue." Mrs. Lee ordered, shining a light on his face and walking away.

'Classic…' Ben thought before sticking the thermometer under the hot light bulb and putting it back under his tongue when Mrs. Lee came around to him again.

"Hmm… 103.8 fever. Why didn't you stay home today?" Mrs. Lee asked as she dialed the phone to call his mom.

The short brunette didn't even bother to answer, knowing that she wouldn't care about his response anyway.

Ben's mom picked him up 20 minutes later, and he had to look convincing. "Thanks for picking me up, mom. Ya' know, I really-"

"Ben, I don't want to hear it. You're out of school, and I think that you've told enough excuses for one day." Sandra said to her son very sternly. She was getting exceedingly tired of always picking him up because his teachers were too gullible and always fell for his ridiculous stunt.

The rest of the ride home was silent. Ben walked back inside and climbed into bed again; relieved he didn't have to take the geometry test. He started flipping through some comic books that he left under his bed all the time for emergencies like this. He read a couple of Sumo Slammers ones, admiring the artwork. After a while he drifted off into a heavy sleep.

The next day when Ben woke up he went to school, happy he didn't have to take the geometry test. Little did the stupid little brown-haired boy know, the test was rescheduled due to miscommunication.

Ben still failed his geometry test.

**A/N: Well, I felt like writing and this was all I got out of it… Well, I hope you enjoy! Review, please!**


	4. Monkey & Chicken

A/N: Another Ben one-shot! Planning on writing a bit more now, hopefully. I know I've kinda dropped off the face of the earth, but I've been so incredibly busy. This is a very random discussion by the trio based off of an odd conversation that Skylark and I had. Revised, it didn't actually go this way! xD Anywho, enjoy!

**Disclaimer: Owning nothing atm.**

Ben's POV

I sat in the backseat of my teammate's 1963 Chevy Camaro. It was a sunny, clear day and the sun hit my face just right so that I had to put my hand to my forehead to block it's brightly shining rays. Kevin and Gwen just wanted to drive all day and enjoy the weather. I, on the other hand, wanted there to be a conversation since the entire car ride has been nothing but utter silence.

I let the silence continue to slither around the vehicle for a little while longer before I spoke up. "Hey guys?"

All I got was a questioning grunt from Gwen, and from Kevin a death glare.

"What do you think would happen if a chicken screwed a monkey?"

Gwen and Kevin looked at each other, not really surprised by the words I spoke. My random thoughts came as no shock to them anymore. They looked more confused, as if flabbergasted that Gwen of all people didn't have an answer. Usually there was some science behind the whole thing.

"I don't know, Ben. But you're bein' stupid again. Cut it out."

"No, Kevin. He actually asked a pretty good question. So good that I don't have an answer…" Gwen replied, placing a finger on her chin.

"You've got to be kidding me." Kevin whined, pulling the car over.

My teammate and I just waited for an answer from Gwen. Kevin and I didn't dare say a word, just in case we messed up her concentration. Then my cousin would have our heads.

Gwen turned to us with defeat in her eyes. "I honestly have no idea."

'Gwen's taking this too seriously…' I chuckled to myself as I watched her pull out her laptop and start searching for any importance on the matter.

"I guess it would screw more monkeys?" Kevin suggested, and Gwen just punched his muscular arm jokingly.

"Ow…"

"Ben, why did you ask that anyways?" Gwen questioned, closing the lid on her laptop (I honestly don't know why she pulled it out…)and looked at me sitting in the back seat.

I stopped and thought of how to word this. Gwen glared at me. I could tell she wanted to blast me with her manna by the time I replied. "Well, I saw a monkey get screwed by a chicken a couple of miles back, and I was just wondering…"

Gwen and Kevin found Ben on the side of the road dehydrated a couple of days later.

**A/N: Didn't turn out the way I'd hoped. But anyways, reviews are greatly appreciated! ^.^**


	5. Dino Flossers

A: Tonna these saved on my iPod… Gotta get some posted today… Sorry I haven't updated in a while, been busy. Don't know how in the heck Sky finds any time to write…

**Disclaimer: I own dino flossers?**

An upset and short brunette sat disappointedly on the tile flooring that covered the area of the yellow bathroom. He held his head in his shaky hands, and wore a frown upon his pale face. His neon green eyes glittered and were full of hurt. His front door slammed as his cousin Gwen entered the single story house. She found Kevin in the kitchen, acting casual. She had no idea what she was in for.

"Where's Ben?" the redhead asked the muscular seventeen year old who leaned against the countertop, sipping a large glass of apple juice. She just rolled her eyes at the raven-haired teenager.

"Down the hall, in the bathroom, actin' all depressed about… somethin'…" A smirk spread across Kevin's face as he gulped down some more of his beverage.

Gwen made her way down the lengthy corridor with the vaulted ceilings and through the arched doorway to the bright sunshine colored bathroom. She lifted a thin eyebrow at the sight she was seeing. "Ben, what are you doing on the bathroom floor?" she glanced around. He obviously hadn't cleaned it up in a long time. His toothbrush lay by the sink with suds from the toothpaste still clung to the soft bristles. She looked at the drain in the sink, which was rusty with age. The young girl winced at the filthiness of her cousin's bathroom. He could save the world, but he couldn't find the time to clean his own bathroom?

The auburn haired boy sniffled and swiped a skinny finger under his nose before wiping the contents on his baggy denim jeans. "Kevin." That was the only word the girls' cousin had to say for Gwen to understand. Kevin had traumatized him. Again.

Gwen stormed down the hallway and into the kitchen, hands on her hips and eyes serious. "What did you do?"

Kevin spun around, looking innocent. "Me? Kevin Ethan Levin? Why would you accuse an ex-con of doing anything to your cousin?" he chuckled and finished off the apple juice he had been drinking a few minutes earlier. He poured another glass.

"Kevin. What did you do to traumatize Ben this time?"

"I messed with his head, that's all."

A few seconds passed and Kevin figured she was actually serious.

"Fine. I went to the dentist. Got a dino flosser. Got a problem with that?"

Gwen raised an eyebrow. "And what exactly did you do with your dinosaur flosser?"

"Teased him…" the older teen chugged the apple juice.

"Kevin! He's being all depressed in the bathroom right now, and it's all you and your stupid dinosaur flosser's fault." Gwen spun around on her heels and stormed back down the hall.

"Ben, come out of there. Kevin has something to say to you." Gwen opened the door and helped her cousin off the filthy floor. He brushed the gathering dust off of his pants before taking Gwen's hand. The girl led Ben out of the bathroom and down the hall once again, into the kitchen. They both stared as Kevin played with his matching dinosaur flossers with just his eyes peering over the table. The two dinosaurs "fought" for a few minutes before Gwen realized that she really needed to find Kevin a hobby. Gwen made Ben sit down at the kitchen table, and she had to fight Kevin for a little while before she could manage to get the dinosaurs out of Kevin's hands. He pouted like a sad puppy. "Now," she began, taking a deep breath. "I am pleased to announce why I have called this little meeting…" Gwen paused to glance at the two boys in front of her. "Kevin has decided to give up one of his dinosaur flossers to you, Ben."

Kevin spit apple juice all over the table. "WHAT? I _never_ agreed to this. Never. Why do I have to? They're mine, I didn't cry this time! The doctor-ish person said I was a good boy and didn't want to see me for 8 more months! He said I deserved my dinosaur flossers 'cause I was such a good boy! He said it himself! Now, Gwendolyn Tennyson, you will _not_ take away my dinosaur flossers!"

"Kevin, you have decided to give up one of your dinosaur flossers to Ben." Gwen said through gritted teeth.

Kevin just nodded obediently and handed one over, knowing he'd get his ass kicked if he didn't listen to the redhead. Gwen smiled and walked away from the table to study for her French test.

Two weeks later on a Sunday, Gwen walked into Ben's house once again to find the two teenagers playing nicely with their flossers. She smiled, admiring the work she had accomplished.

Unexpectedly, Kevin got mad because Ben apparently ate Kevin's dinosaur, so then Kevin's dinosaur would be killed because he would get eaten by Ben's dinosaur, so Kevin felt the sudden urge to kill Ben's dinosaur but instead decided to just take it out on Ben himself.

Needless to say, Ben went to school with a black eye and a broken nose.

A/N: Oh my gosh, I had so much fun writing this! I didn't really know where to go with it, so I just said, "Yeah, I'mma wing it." lol. Review please! :D

**~Kass**


	6. Water Cough

A/N: Lemme just say that this is one of the worst things you can do. It's utterly painful and embarrassing.

**Disclaimer: Do not own. Just eating a cookie. Hell, I don't even own the cookie.**

Slamming his metal locker and securing the green lock, Ben Tennyson picked up his backpack and slung the heavy bag over his right shoulder. The other strap just dangled limply near his back. Brown locks of his hair dangled in his face and he whipped his head to the right as he walked down the jam-packed hallways of his school. Headed to history, he shuffled his feet and scuffed his shoes as he passed through the doorway. Once he was seated, the brunette teen slumped down in his seat and closed his eyes.

The door to the room banged close, and the history teacher walked in.

"We'll be watching a short movie during class today. Grab a sheet of paper from the counter and start taking notes. Be sure they are neat and easy to read." The tall man announced.

The short brunette teen strolled over to the counter to pick up a small piece of the yellow paper. He allowed the soles of his sneakers drag on the solid tile squares that lined the school's floor. Ben slipped into the awkwardly situated chair, picked up his yellow unsharpened pencil, and grunted. He walked to the electric sharpener and stuck the stubby writing utensil into the device.

Old scripts flashed across the screen, showing Greek writing that the teen couldn't read. Ben stood and approached the tall man that sat behind the unorganized desk. "Drink?" he asked, thrusting his index finger towards the large wooden door.

The man just nodded.

"Cool." Ben mumbled under his breath. He took his blue water bottle that was sitting on his desk with him, and held it up to the fountain.

Walking boredly back to the classroom, Ben took a sip of the icy cold water as he stumbled through the door. He tried to breathe, forgetting he was simultaneously trying to swallow. He threw his head over his feet and all the water he had tried to drink just seconds ago spilled out of his mouth like a waterfall. A coughing fit followed that disruption.

The professor approached Ben and just handed him a roll of paper towels before wiping his hands on his black pants and making a disgusted face.

The brunette continued to cough up icy cold droplets of well water in the doorway for awhile before he noticed that the entire class had been watching him and his stupidity. With a tickle still in his throat, he straightened up and gave a sheepish smile with a wave. "Oh hi. When uh-when did you all get here?" he stammered, drying his chin off with a quick swipe of the paper towel. He just twisted the door handle, and sliding out of the room, inch by inch, closing the door quietly, and darting down the hallway. He could fake sick tomorrow and his mom would let him stay home, right?

A/N: Uploading a few things! Yay! This is a very very embarrassing thing to happen, especially in church! Wow! Experiences can suck, can't they? ;) Reviews are loved3

**~Kass**


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